MJ Dirge Part II: The Massacres

So yesterday, I spent a lot of time providing my best picks for Michael Jackson's "Acoustic Dirge." Some were pretty humorous, but didn't qualify for today's catergory: The Massacre. These people, although their efforts are valiant, would make the King of Pop roll in his grave (wherever that may be).

1. Matt Enriquez - You Are Not Alone

At least you're consistently flat, sweetie.

2. Jackie Barber - You Are Not Alone

Do people just love fucking this song up? The backup music is probably the most tasteless. That triangle makes my teeth hurt. And she cries!

3. Polo - Beat It

I always wondered what Michael Jackson would sound like with a European accent. Very Whitesnake.

4. Luigi - Man in the Mirror

This video is filled with blatant images of starving in Africa, Nazis, the KKK, and Civil Rights Movement. Cheery! I don't know who Luigi is, but he should go back

to being pals with Mario, and learn the rules of dynamics. Move closer to the microphone, it gets louder, further away - quiet.

5. Jason - Rock With You

This kid might have a good voice, but he just doesn't know the words! There are like..20 of them, come on...he keeps looking at a screen for reference.

PS too much melisma & vibrato = i don't know the pitch.

6. Laurence - Billie Jean

Just no. Singing higher than the pitch does not make it artistic. This is not american idol.

7. Matthew Jordan - Smooth Criminal

Yes, this guy makes this list too. Leave bon jovi to bon jovi.

8. Clark Westfield - Black or White

I don't care how cool or famous this guy thinks he is, he is way off pitch and has poor vocal technique. Could be good, though.

9. Juke - Billie Jean

A grunge version! Bush lives! I am da one! Who knew this song could be so depressing??

10. Tyler Weinrich - Black or White

Then there's this dingleberry. I just don't have words for him.

11. stellacat - Will You Be There

What's a music video without orca whales????? She's just not cutting it as the next Tegan or Sara.

12. Theaerozepellin - You are Not Alone

Give him a break, he's still recovering from swine flu!

13. sillylexa - I Want You Back

This just makes me LOLz! pasted away! (that's one way of explaining his skin pigmentation..)

On a somewhat related note, this guy is actually awesome in that he sings in the range and on pitch and is just a delight, but sometimes i can't help but LOL .Either way, check it out:

Well, that's enough of this shit for one day, kittens.

-k